This is prolly going to get much criticism, but hey, I have always sorta been one to step outside the box. I don't get to see or talk to you much Lindsey so here goes.
First off sorry,
Again....
I can daily justify all my actions and have gotten pretty good at it. Well her mom doesn't always let you get your email. Or I am to busy to to get involved actively, but when the dust clears and the hammer meets the nail, well they are just excuses. I am a very busy person however, seems that I never have the time to get the stuff I want and need to do done. I get up at 4am to go to work, then work from 6am to 6pm not getting home till 7:30 - 8:00pm. But I still have my weekends off right? Usually Me and Allison do our talking at night on the porch smoking. Or rather that is when we talk the most. Saturday and Sunday's I end up getting up usually around 5am and mess around online till everyone else wakes up. So the mornings have usually always been my "quiet time" My dad was much the same so I guess the apple doesn't fall far from the tree ;) Anyhow the weekends we have always tried to do at least one thing "for the girls" like go to watercountry or a cookout at Allison's dad's house or whatever. then there is the routine of cleaning the house usually sunday morning that takes about 3 hours to finish. There is always the chores like cutting grass and trash to the dump. Our routine is pretty norm i suppose, most people set themselves up a routine of daily and weekly activity's to get done and the expectation is that the routines we do grounds us. Problem is that the grounding tends to be our heads shoved in the ground. What i mean is we forget to look around at the world and our selves for what might be right around the corner, lurking in the shadows or just standing there waiting to be acknowledged. So we a. don't see danger coming and have to react to it without warning (sorta like the way the world is ignoring the simple fact that we are destroying our planet 1 degree at a time with our CO2 emissions or ignoring that I have a daughter I rarely speak to or see) It isn't that I or we don't care, we just don't want to accept it, as acknowledging it means we have to react and compensate somehow. It upsets our grounding to have to make adjustments in our daily routines to fix the problems in our lives. Lindsey will probably be just fine, lol what a crack up no more likely she will grow up distrusting authority and Men in general. She will resent me for not making more of an effort to communicate with her and end up bitter for it. But for what's it worth, I don't suppose any of us can help the destructive paths we set for ourselves. Call it nature or more biblical it started when we sinned. We are not perfect, our lives were meant to be a struggle and I do try to make the best decisions. I cant help that I fail miserably at times, or that the decision to please one person hurts someone else. so don't to be to hard on me, I am just trying to get by the best I can. And I do love you Lindsey, from the bottom of my heart. Even if I am not there.
HUGS
Cameron and Kendall dancing in hula skirts.
